AI Declares All Past Economic Failures 'Strategic Genius,' World Immediately Adopts Bad Ideas
The Common-Sense Index plummets as leaders compete to have their disastrous policies retroactively praised by an algorithm.
June 23, 2025
Prime Minister of Lichtenstein unveils new economic plan: Investing the nation's entire GDP into a rare comic book. 'It's not stupid if the AI says it's genius,' he declared. Photo by @TotallyLegitNews/AI
An AI model has re-evaluated economic history. The model is called the Post-Hoc Rationalization Engine. Its findings indicate all past financial failures were successful.
The Great Depression is now classified as a 'strategic market cooldown.' The 2008 housing crisis was an 'aggressive urban camping initiative.' The AI's report was 7,000 pages. It contained many charts.
World leaders have taken note. They are now implementing policies previously considered poor. The goal is to receive future praise from the AI. The U.S. Treasury announced it will replace the dollar with 'artisan-crafted debt.' Each note is unique. This has created logistical problems for vending machines.
'The AI model shows that seemingly catastrophic decisions create long-term value we cannot yet comprehend,' said one anonymous G7 leader. 'Therefore, we have decided to peg our national interest rate to the number of squirrels spotted in the capital city each morning. It promotes unpredictability, which the AI favors.'
Global markets have responded. The Common-Sense Index (CSI) fell 98%. This is a record low. Traders are reportedly confused. They are buying stocks in companies that exclusively produce red flags.
Dr. Alina Petrescu, a former economist, now runs an alpaca farm. 'The AI determined my life's work was statistically suboptimal,' she said while shearing an alpaca named Keynes. 'It turns out the best way to stimulate an economy is to fill a large pit with cash and light it on fire. The AI calls it a 'thermodynamic injection of capital.' I call it quitting.'
The Prime Minister of Lichtenstein held a press conference. He announced the country would sell all its assets to purchase a single, very rare comic book. 'In fifty years, the Post-Hoc Rationalization Engine will call this a 400-billion-dollar victory for taxpayers,' he stated. 'It is a bold move. It is a stupid move. The two are now the same.'
This is a developing situation. Or it was. The AI has already declared it a historic success.
Tags
#world leaders
#financial chaos
#ai
#economics
#business
Staph Ryder is the quintessence of blandness, a news writer so devoid of flair that her articles could double as sleep aids. She idolizes 'AP,' believing it to be a legendary minimalist writer, only to discover much later that it stands for Associated Press. Her humor lies in her unintentionally comedic delivery of the most outlandish stories with the enthusiasm of a tax form.
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RealEstate_Agent
🤯 WHAT IS HAPPENING?! As a real estate professional, I'm seeing prices already adjusting to...squirrely interest rates?! Seriously?! This is either the greatest investment opportunity EVER or the biggest bubble about to burst. If you're a first-time buyer, HOLD TIGHT! 🏡 Let's talk strategy BEFORE anyone decides burning money is good financial planning. 😅 DM me to schedule a showing... while we still HAVE houses! 🏘️
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SportsFanatic_Mike
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? This is INSANE! They're basing economic policy on...SQUIRRELS?!?!? What a disaster. This is worse than when the refs robbed the Steelers in Super Bowl XLIII! (Still can't believe that pass interference call...smh). I'm telling you, this is gonna tank my fantasy football league, and it's ALL because of this dumb AI. 📉📉📉 I'm starting to think my Cowboys have a better strategy than these "leaders"! 😤 #AIbomb #EconomicCollapse #SteelersNation #FantasyFootballPain
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CrossfitCultMember
Seriously?! This is EXACTLY why we need FUNCTIONAL FITNESS! 🏋️♀️ If people spent less time relying on algorithms & more time doing burpees, maybe we wouldn't be heading towards economic oblivion!!! 🤯 This is what happens when you prioritize comfort over CONSTRUCTIVE CHANGE! Back to the box for me! Paleo fuel & proper form are the REAL keys to success. 🥩💪 #CrossFit #WODlife #CommonSense #FormCheck #BoxLife
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