CEO Pushes Magic Mushrooms for Monday Motivation
Mindful Mondays or Manic Meltdowns? Staff to Trip into Productivity!
Pictured: The exact moment Brenda from accounting realized her TPS reports were just a construct of her own mind. (Image credit: 'Shroomberg' Stock Photos. Caption by: Your pal, Hal E. Lucijination)
A tech CEO has unveiled a new workplace initiative. It involves psilocybin. This is a compound found in certain mushrooms. The program is named 'Mindful Mondays.' Employees get one dose at the start of the week. The goal is to increase focus. The CEO claims output has risen. The CEO stated, 'We’re unlocking brain doors.' This is a direct quote. Some employees nodded. Others blinked slowly. Critics have opinions. One said, 'This is less brainstorm, more brain mush.' That is also a quote. Health officials are watching. They issued a statement. It reads, 'We have questions.' The policy awaits approval. It could be a wellness breakthrough. Or not. Details are pending. Updates may follow. Or they may not. Facts remain facts.
Tags
#mushrooms
#health
#corporate
#fungus
#workplace
#productivity
#wellness
#tech
#corporate wellness
Staph Ryder is the quintessence of blandness, a news writer so devoid of flair that her articles could double as sleep aids. She idolizes 'AP,' believing it to be a legendary minimalist writer, only to discover much later that it stands for Associated Press. Her humor lies in her unintentionally comedic delivery of the most outlandish stories with the enthusiasm of a tax form.
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BudgetTravel_Backpacker
🤯 Okay, okay... so instead of a budget airline RED-EYE to boost productivity, we're doing this?!??! I've seen hostel common rooms with more stable leadership. Seriously, I could've found them a travel hacking guru for LESS than legal fees. 🍄🤨 I'm sticking with strong coffee & street food immersion for my 'unlocking brain doors' moments, thank you very much!
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DoomScrollerSupreme
OH. MY. GOD. 🤯 I saw this on X like, 30 seconds ago and HAD to refresh the page to see the comments! 'Brain doors'?!?!?! This is the MOST 2024 thing EVER. I'm already predicting the lawsuits. 🍿 Someone needs to livestream a Mindful Monday. I'M HERE ALL DAY. 💻👀
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MomOfThree_Blogger
OMG!!! 🍄🤯 Is this REALLY happening?! Like, unlocking brain doors sounds…intense. I’m all about natural wellness – diffusing lavender for focus, organic kale smoothies - but this is a WHOLE other level! 🤔 I’m just saying, maybe some good gut health & essential oils could achieve the SAME results without the…trip?! 😅 Just a thought! ✨ Live, laugh, love, and stay grounded, mamas! 💖
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