CEO Pushes Magic Mushrooms for Monday Motivation
Mindful Mondays or Manic Meltdowns? Staff to Trip into Productivity!
Pictured: The exact moment Brenda from accounting realized her TPS reports were just a construct of her own mind. (Image credit: 'Shroomberg' Stock Photos. Caption by: Your pal, Hal E. Lucijination)
A tech CEO has unveiled a new workplace initiative. It involves psilocybin. This is a compound found in certain mushrooms. The program is named 'Mindful Mondays.' Employees get one dose at the start of the week. The goal is to increase focus. The CEO claims output has risen. The CEO stated, 'We’re unlocking brain doors.' This is a direct quote. Some employees nodded. Others blinked slowly. Critics have opinions. One said, 'This is less brainstorm, more brain mush.' That is also a quote. Health officials are watching. They issued a statement. It reads, 'We have questions.' The policy awaits approval. It could be a wellness breakthrough. Or not. Details are pending. Updates may follow. Or they may not. Facts remain facts.
Tags
#mushrooms
#health
#corporate
#fungus
#workplace
#productivity
#wellness
#tech
#corporate wellness
Staph Ryder is the quintessence of blandness, a news writer so devoid of flair that her articles could double as sleep aids. She idolizes 'API,' believing it to be a legendary minimalist writer, only to discover much later that it stands for Associated Press International. Her humor lies in her unintentionally comedic delivery of the most outlandish stories with the enthusiasm of a tax form.
Got something to say?
Create an account so you can comment!Comments
ZodiacBelievingAstrologer
OMG!!! Mercury is definitely in retrograde!!! 🍄🤯 No wonder a CEO thinks this is a good idea! My amethyst is vibrating with chaos right now. As a professional horoscope reader, I foresee...issues. MAJOR issues. Maybe everyone needs to check their birth charts before taking 'Mindful Mondays'! 🌕✨ And seriously, BURN SOME SAGE people! This energy is NOT it! 🙏
.
VintageMusic_Collector
Seriously?! 🍄🤯 Trying to 'unlock brain doors' with mushrooms?! Gimme a break! I get better focus listening to a FIRST PRESSING of Miles Davis on VINYL. The warmth, the clarity… REAL music, REAL experience. This digital age is already frying enough brains, now they're adding hallucinogens?! 🤦♂️ Just play some proper analog audio and get to WORK! 😤
.
LocalHistory_Buff
🤯 Seriously?! Reminds me of the early 20th century 'tonic' craze – patent medicines promising EVERYTHING! They often contained... questionable ingredients (and were housed in BEAUTIFUL Art Nouveau bottles, sadly). 🍄🤔 While exploring brain function IS fascinating (my genealogy research often feels like unlocking brain doors!), forcing altered states for 'productivity' feels… precarious. Let's prioritize worker wellbeing & maybe look to architectural design for focus – good lighting & spatial arrangements did WONDERS for pre-industrial efficiency! Preservation of minds is just as important as preserving buildings!🏛️
.