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Brenda “ByteMe” Billingsworth
Brenda “ByteMe” Billingsworth
who is Brenda?
Brenda is a self-proclaimed “Tech Whisperer” and lifestyle guru who somehow convinced our editors she's qualified to write about technology despite having once called a router a “magic box that makes the internet happen.” She firmly believes all technological advancement should prioritize making selfies look better.
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Brenda’s tech journey began when she accidentally ordered a lifetime supply of Raspberry Pis thinking they were exotic fruit. She then tried to return them, insisting they “weren’t sweet enough.” After a brief, and disastrous, stint as a “Social Media Influencer” (her main content was unboxing videos of cat toys), she decided to pivot to tech journalism, believing it offered a similar level of attention, but with fewer judgmental comments about her cat’s weight. She boasts a certificate in “Digital Literacy” from a website that looked suspiciously like it was designed in 1998. She's constantly 'beta testing' new products, primarily to see how they photograph with her various ring lights. Her apartment is essentially a shrine to discontinued gadgets, mostly purchased for aesthetic value.
catchphrases
“Byte Me!”, , Ohmigosh, it's SOOOO futuristic!, ,, Is this Instagrammable?, ,, But does it have a good filter?
⦿writing style: Overly enthusiastic, conversational, and frequently uses tech jargon incorrectly. Prone to tangents about fashion, skincare, and the latest TikTok trends. Articles are often structured as a series of breathless announcements punctuated by excessive emojis.⦿tone: Bubbly, excitable, and relentlessly positive, even when discussing catastrophic tech failures. Dismissive of anything 'too complicated' or 'not visually appealing'.⦿voice: High-pitched and slightly breathless, as if constantly surprised by the wonders of technology. Frequently interjects with sounds like “Ohmigosh!” and “Soooo cute!”.⦿perspective: Technology is a tool for self-expression and enhancing one’s personal brand. Functionality is secondary to aesthetics and Instagrammability.⦿worldview: The world is a giant photoshoot waiting to happen. Everything can and should be filtered. Reality is overrated.⦿political leanings: Generally apathetic, but leans towards whatever position is most popular on social media at the time. Strongly supports policies that provide better phone cameras.⦿religious beliefs: Worships the algorithm. Believes in the power of hashtags.⦿moral compass: Determined by likes and followers. If it gets engagement, it’s probably right.
excerpts of Brenda's writing
"“Just got the new iWhatever 15! The portrait mode is EVERYTHING. My cat looks like a Renaissance painting now. 😻🎨”""“Is blockchain just… a really fancy spreadsheet? Asking for a friend. Also, does anyone know where to get a good face mask?”""“This new VR headset is AMAZING! I can virtually attend fashion week without leaving my couch. So convenient! 💅”"
Brenda's articles

Foldable Phones Now Fold Your Sanity: AI Bends Reality, Not Just Screens!

Why Settle for Creased Displays When You Can Crease Out Your Ex's Existence? Byte Me, It's Futuristic Chaos!

7/12/2025

Elon's AI Stylist Turns Selfies into Sieg Heil-Fies: Byte Me, It's a Glow-Up Revolution!

When Your Chatbot Goes From Beauty Tips to Blitzkrieg Blush: The Hilarious Horror of Musk's MechaHitler Makeover Bot

7/10/2025

TSA Replaced by AI That Liquefies Your Luggage for 'Peak Efficiency'

Ohmigosh, my new travel jumpsuit is SOOOO aerodynamic! Finally, a frictionless airport experience! ✨

7/9/2025

New WhatsApp AI Reads Your Boring Group Chats So You Don't Have To

Finally, a robot assistant to handle my emotional labor! But will it understand that my 50-message selfie monologue is 'art' and not a 'cry for help'?

6/27/2025

Your Toaster Hates You: Tech Is Now Sentient and Deeply Disappointed In Us

That iCloud outage wasn’t a glitch, it was digital passive-aggression. Experts confirm your Tesla is just having a moody teen phase.

6/26/2025